Ep30_why-older-adults-have-a-hard-time-giving-during-the-holidays.mp4: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

Ep30_why-older-adults-have-a-hard-time-giving-during-the-holidays.mp4: this mp4 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Isabel Tom:
Before you ask, what can I give my loved one, my grandparent or parent this year? I want you to ask. No matter how healthy or unhealthy they are or how old they are, I want you to ask the question how can I help my older loved one give this season? How can I help them to be part of this wonderful time? Hi, I'm Isabel Tom and this is the Value of Wrinkles podcast. Whatever age you're at or consider yourself to be, maybe that's young, youngish, midlife older, or maybe you just call yourself old. There's value that you bring to this world. Let's explore how to love the older generation and ourselves more. Hi friends, I am so excited coming to you from my daughter's closet today and I'm recording episode 30, which is a big, big deal for me. In fact, I've been waiting to be able to reach this goal of reaching episode 30. So would you just give me a round of applause? I am giving myself a round of applause. Anyways, today is the beginning of December and I hope you had an awesome Thanksgiving. I we were sick, our kids had the flu, and so Thanksgiving was the first day that we saw our family in quite a while. And I often see my family like we see each other all the time. So we had taken a break because people had the flu and it was horrible and Thanksgiving was great. And now we are heading into December and things are starting to ramp up and get busy again, right? So the day after Thanksgiving, all of the Christmas music was was on the radio when I went to the stores.

Isabel Tom:
Well, even before Thanksgiving, there was Christmas decorations and holiday decorations up all the lights, like the drive through lights. When you go to the different gardens and parks, they are, you know, putting up signs for the drive thrus where you can drive through and see the holiday lights, and it's just getting busy. You can get really mixed up into this Christmas rush, into this holiday rush and kind of forget the older people in our life, older relatives or older neighbors. Uh, even your older coworkers. And I just kind of want to pause and help you in this episode to kind of have a have a greater awareness for them this season. And so this episode is titled Why Older Adults have a Hard Time Giving Over the Holidays. It may be a question that you have never, ever asked. We hear the phrase and it's in the Bible and everyone else knows it, um, and probably believes it except for our kids who love getting gifts and just want more and more and more. Um, they want to open more things, but we know that it is more blessed to give than to receive. But over the holidays, it can be hard for older adults to give. And so I'm going to go over three things to kind of, um, help you think about this more and so that you can see how you can be a blessing, how you can help the older person in your life to be part of this season more and not to feel so isolated and left behind.

Isabel Tom:
You know why giving can be hard for some of our parents or grandparents or the older people in our lives, because they don't know what to give. Now, I will tell you that one of like the standard winners for gifts for kids at least, is candy. It's just fun to give, but when you don't know what to give, then sometimes that can be a huge barrier for getting to participate in this season of giving and getting to enjoy it, and having fun doing it. When you have no idea what to give to somebody, that can be a challenge, and sometimes it can just keep you from even taking the next step of just getting something. Anyways, gift giving it is an art and I don't know what type of person you are, but if you have a hard time, if your parent or grandparent or the older people that you know, if they have a hard time making decisions, then they may not be giving this season. They may not get into giving simply because it's a lot of decision making, right? Like it is hard to find a good gift for somebody. And I can tell you that for me, I have a hard time buying gifts for people. When I buy gifts for Kevin, my husband, I have a really hard time because he is very specific in the things that he likes, and I actually don't understand like his hobbies.

Isabel Tom:
I'm not a guru in fishing or hunting or fish or whatever, you know, like animals. I don't know, I could buy him something, but it would be like instead of buying him like the right fishing tackle or fishing gear, I would just be picking something off of a shelf that said fishing, and he wouldn't really like it and it wouldn't be useful. So I remember one birthday, I, um, I wanted to get him a fleece, and not that he really wants clothes, but I knew that he needed a fleece that fit him. And so I honestly ended up buying. I wrapped seven fleeces because I didn't know what color he would like. And I know that while he might. Say thank you. Like, if he didn't really like the color, he might not wear it. So I bought seven different fleeces for him so he could choose one or 2 or 3. And that was because I had such a hard time in giving. So that's all just to keep in mind that your loved one like they may want to give, but one of the barriers and reasons why it's hard for them to give over the holidays is because they don't know what to give. So what can you do? You can give them suggestions. You can give them gift ideas. You can take out a catalog and show them the different options out there.

Isabel Tom:
Like, honestly, as people get older, they aren't they don't know what the trends are and it depends who they're buying a gift for. But if you are a good gift giver yourself, then use. That's a gift that you have, and so you can use that to help help your loved one to think of good gift ideas so you can kind of be the one you know, give them for ideas and say, what do you think about this? And that way it's a little easier on the decision making and it won't be a barrier. And they can take part in giving. And I think they'll feel more better about gift giving, especially if they are giving gifts to kids, right? Like grandparents may not know about Pokemon, they may not know about Beyblades or backgrounds. They don't know about the book series that you know some of their grandkids like. So help them and make it easier for them to give this season. So the second barrier as to why it's hard for older adults to give is maybe they cannot get to the store. Now, in terms of giving, I want to tell you that my mama, she was one of the most, um, thankful people that I ever knew and even into her, like last few days when she could not even she didn't even have the muscle capacity like her head was. Her neck was slumped down because she didn't have any muscle to hold up her head.

Isabel Tom:
But yet when people came, served her and got her water or anything, she would say thank you. So she was the one of the most thankful people, people around that I knew. And as she was getting older at church, people would be would help her get her meal at lunchtime. They would sometimes help her to go from, you know, Sunday school up to the main room where we had service. And she was always so thankful for the people that helped her. And so during Christmas time, she really wanted to get gifts for people, but she was like in her 90s, 100 seconds and there was no way, number one, she could never drive. And, um, she even if you dropped her off at the store, she wouldn't be able to go around the store on her own. Right. So the the other barrier, besides not knowing what to give, is a lot of people, as they get older, they cannot get to the store. Like transportation is an issue. So number one, maybe they don't drive or can't drive. Then just think about like even if they can drive, do they feel comfortable driving in holiday traffic? I live in the DC area and traffic is right now with Covid it hasn't been as bad, but it's still it's it was known DC is known as having some of the worst traffic. So think about driving, driving in the holiday rush and then think about how as winter is coming and here it gets dark earlier and so.

Isabel Tom:
Your older loved one. Your parent. Your grandparent may not feel comfortable going to the store to buy things, and that's not even talking about like Covid. There are still a lot of older adults your neighbors, people from your church, people from your community, in your own family who are still very cautious when it comes to going out. They don't want to be around all those germs. And so. They may not go to the store, not only because they can't, but maybe they don't feel comfortable doing so. So what can we do to help them? Well. Oh, and I forgot to mention too, not just getting to the store, but then thinking about think about once somebody gets into the store, even if you could drop them off. There are some people your parent may be healthy and may be able to walk around the store fine. But some people, especially as they get older, it may be depending on how well they can walk and how mobile they are. It may not be easy for them to go around the store, or they may not be comfortable with, or they may not know where things are in the store, so you can help them do that. Um, here are some of the action steps that I want to give you. If their barrier is that they can't get to the store, drive them, schedule a day and say to your parent or grandparent, like, do you? Did you want to go shopping for any gifts this year? Do you want to set a day and I can take you to the store.

Isabel Tom:
You can set up a day and you can go together to go shopping. That way they may not know target as well as you do. And instead of walking ten times in circles trying to find a journal or trying to find a shirt, you can bring them there right away and it can be a much smoother and successful trip. So drive them there, schedule a shopping date and, you know, make it easier for them to give. The third thing that I want to share is about technology. For the people who did not grow are our older loved ones, our parents, our grandparents. Some of them have no problem online shopping. Some of them may be a little, um, they may enjoy it too much, right? Like they can buy tons of things online. But I have met a good number of older people who don't feel comfortable doing online shopping. They are really suspicious of buying things online, suspicious of giving their credit card number away, and they are fearful of getting scammed. Like, I don't know if you're familiar with the number of scams out there. You have to be. It doesn't matter how old you are, but there are so many scammers who are trying to trick older adults because they are not as familiar with technology, they are not as familiar with the different tricks out there and scams.

Isabel Tom:
And so, you know, I had one neighbor who she doesn't buy anything online. And so last year, actually, I realized that she didn't have a Christmas tree. And so it was still pretty in the middle of Covid. I think that's actually when our family got Covid. Um, but she never bought anything online. And so I offered to buy something a tree online for her. I think it was Black Friday, actually, that I bought it online for her, and she just paid me back for it. Um, but that's something that we can do, you know, even if they, they may have internet, they may not have internet, but that is actually a huge like if you think about I don't know about you, but we buy a ton of things online and it helps with convenience. It helps with not having to beat that holiday rush, not having to drive in all that crazy traffic. Um, we buy so many things online, but there are some people, and you may not be aware if you don't have a lot of friends who don't use the internet, you don't have older friends who this is not what they're used to. Um, they may not be buying comfortable buying things on the internet. They may not know how to navigate it, or they may not feel comfortable buying things online. So what you can do is offer to buy gifts with them. You can schedule a time to show them how to do online shopping, and either you can help them to pay for it with their credit card, or you if you're willing to help them to buy the gifts and have them to pay you back.

Isabel Tom:
And that can actually like if one of the barriers for giving is not being able to get to the store, like instead of bringing them to the store, another option is just to help them buy the gifts online. And when you think about it, it really is such a blessing to have somebody help you to do that. So this holiday season, I want you to ask instead of like before you ask, what can I give my loved one, my grandparent or parent this year? I want you to ask. No matter how healthy or unhealthy they are or how old they are, I want you to ask the question, how can I help my older loved one give this season? How can I help them to be part of this wonderful time of giving when it is just it blesses you to be able to give, and that's something that your parents may have be missing out on because simply because they don't know what to give, they either can't get to the store, or maybe they're just fearful of shopping and buying things online. So let's do that together. I'd love to hear whether this gave you some insight that maybe you've never thought of. And would you share this with other friends of yours who also have, who want to make a difference in the lives of the older generation? But sometimes they don't know how.

Isabel Tom:
That's it for episode 30. Before I head on out, I want to make sure that I help you. Yes, help you to prepare for this holiday season. Not only by sharing today's content, but by telling you about this new resource that I put together called Three Things Your Aging Parent Is Thinking but May Never Tell You. I know you're going to be seeing your off. Many of you will be seeing your parents this season, and sometimes it's not just a happy time. It can be full of some battles because there are battles between parents and their adult children. So I want to prepare you and remind you that sometimes we can reduce those battles simply through understanding. So grab this resource three things Your Aging parent is thinking but may never tell you at what value of wrinkles.com/3 things. That's the number three and things. You can also go to the show notes to grab this free resource. If you enjoyed today's podcast, would you do me a huge favor and give me an early Christmas gift and rate this podcast? When you do that, and especially if you write a comment that helps to sustain my podcast, it helps to support the work that I do and helps more people find my content. So I would super appreciate that. And thank you so much again for joining me today. Stay tuned for another. I can't wait to. I can't wait to connect with you again on the next episode.

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